Thank god I set out 2 hours early. All I had to do en-route is fill up with petrol, even though the little pointer wasn’t quite into the last sector on the dial. Traffic to the M60 was fine but getting near the Trafford Centre every lane ground to a halt. 40 mile an hour speed limits and cars just crawling along. And this was just an hour before showtime. I did contemplate getting off the motorway but that wouldn’t have been the wisest of moves as I don’t really know the area all that well. There didn’t seem to be any road works, I just saw a few cars on the hard-shoulder with a police car and that was about it.

Unlike The Academy shows that I've been to at least The Lowry has reserved seating, so you don’t have to queue outside for half an hour and then sit waiting for an hour before Henry comes on. I was pleased to see that row B was the front row. The row A seats must have been removed. Even I had to check the row letter twice.

Looking around before the show I noticed two microphones, at stage left and right, on stands pointing out to the audience. This did make me think that Henry could sell the MP3’s of each show on his web-site for a few bucks a pop. Possibly, if the show was being recorded, it would be included on a future CD release. With audio recording equipment being fairly cheep, they already have the microphones/mixing desk, I can’t see why all the shows couldn’t be recorded.

At just past 7:30pm the house lights go down and the stage lights come up and Henry walks out on stage. It’s been nearly 2 years since I last saw him and he hasn’t changed a bit. The same grey trousers, black t-shirt and blue/white Vans shoes. The only difference being that his hair did look a shade lighter, but that may have been the stage lights.

Henry started saying that he'd just found out that Salford wasn’t Manchester… then his mic cut out. He complained a little that his ‘road-crew’ had 2 hours this afternoon to get it working but he just ploughed on. I could hear what he was saying, being at the front, but I guess the folks at the back of the circle had a little difficulty. The sound cut in then out then the roadie yelled to Henry to grab the spare. Once that was switched over everything was fine. Even Henry said, while this was going on, that it can’t be the mic because it a Shure. I think that bending the cable just past the plug to wrap the cable twice around his hand can’t do it much good. I can see why he started doing it. Singing with Black Flag if someone jumped on stage and pulled the cable the microphone would just fly out of his hand.

Once that technical glitch was over Henry just kept talking, barely stopping for a gulp of water: Obama, working on Sons of Anarchy, making the commencement speech at Sonoma State University, Saudi Arabia in a car with a Prince and later at the palace, his girlfriend (who also has grey hair), the Bhopal disaster, slums in India, China and giving essential hygiene advice to the ladies of Bangkok. There were countless other topics covered during the two and three quarter hours that he was on stage.

Henry is always worth going to see, this was my 5th time, but tonight didn’t seem to be all that funny. Not that you go to a Rollins show to have your sides split, the show is still billed as a Spoken Word and not as an evening of Stand-Up Comedy. Possibly it was because his travels to Bhopal, Saudi Arabia and India were more of an education for the audience instead of entertainment.

One thing that I have noticed is that he never mentions traveling to South America. It always seems to destinations in the northern hemisphere that he visits. Maybe South America is too close to home and not enough of a culture shock.

As always a great evening out seeing Mr. Curve!

Related Links
Dispatches
Fun House by The Stooges

Ticket

I must be becoming a serious ‘fan boy’ for Henry Rollins as this is the fourth time that I've seen him, the second time at this venue.

The Academy looks like it’s undergoing serious improvements as the entire hall is wrapped in an eight foot high wooden wall. If I didn’t know better I would have thought that it was closed completely. You even have to walk through the rubble to get inside. Luckily we were let inside early as it was damn cold waiting in line. Unfortunately the hall doesn’t seem to be heated at all which just meant an hour or more wait, but at least we were all sat down.

At 8:30pm prompt Henry ran on stage, grabbed the mic, wrapping the cord around his hand and started to talk.

To try and mention all the topics he covered would be futile… but I’ll try: he talked about singing with The Ruts, making a film (which could have been goat porn for all he knew), being in Pakistan when Benazir Bhutto was assassinated, seeing The Van Halens and remembering Ted Nugent, meeting David Lee Roth in his art gallery, going to Beirut, searching for stuff on ‘the internets’ and using ‘the googles’, George Bush declaring that Mandela was dead. The list goes on.

One thing that he hasn’t mentioned before is his pet snake. I knew that he kept snakes but, apart from letting it chase Heidi around the office, he hasn’t ever said what type of snake it is, just that it’s female. Possibly he hasn’t even named it, as most of us would.

The other thing to note is his spot on impersonation of Christopher Walken, which I thought was brilliant. He even did a little Jello Biafra for good measure.

Three hours later and the show is over. My arse was completely dead and numb. Next time I'm bringing my own cushion.

Related Links
YouTube – Bush pronounces Mandela dead
Walken 2008 – Campaign Website
BBC – US man saved from alligator jaws
Henry does Manchester – a photoset on Flickr

Henry Rollins

The weather could only be described as typical Manchester weather. It was grey, it was raining and it was blowing a gale through the dirty streets.

I'd parked my car in the car park that I've used the last few times when going to concerts at the M.E.N. Arena, had something to eat and wandered around the shops to kill a little time.

I must have wandered up and down Oxford Road hundreds of times when I was attending Manchester Polytechnic, as it was then known. Nothing much has changed, just a few more coffee shops than I recall. There is a little square, past the main building, opposite the students union. I remember having lectures in a room in one of the buildings. The memory is especially vivid as it was one of the few times that I've had to speak in front of a group of people. Not something that I enjoy at all.

I managed to find the prestigious Manchester Academy and had a little wander around the block. Really to try to find Manchester Academy 2, which I think is in the students union building. I joined the queue of people and waited the 45 minutes until the doors opened, walked in, sat in a great seat dead-centre on the second row and waited another hour until show-time.

At 8:30pm sharp the lights dimmed and the orchestra started to play a be-bop arrangement of Henry’s hit ‘Liar’. The curtains opened and twelve dancing girls, the famous ‘Henriettas’ no less, high-kicked their way across the stage. Each one of them had legs up to their face and were wearing pink sequinned swimsuits which glimmered in the myriad of lights. Pink ostrich feathers in their headbands made them look even taller. Each of them were blonde, blue-eyed and big breasted, no doubt hand-picked by Henry himself. As the song reached its climax there was a drum-roll, Mike The Tour Manager said, “Ladies and gentlemen, Manchester Academy, in association with SJM Concerts proudly presents, the king of spoken word himself, Mr. Henry Rollins.” Mike dragged out the ‘Henry Rollins’ bit, similar to the way wrestlers and boxers are announced before fights. The ‘Henriettas’ split into two groups, high-kicking all the while and a huge lighted staircase lifted up from beneath the stage. The orchestra started to play ‘Liar’, again, and the man himself appeared in a spotlight at the very top of the staircase. Henry was resplendent in his white tie and tails, carrying his top hat and his silver topped cane. His thick mane of jet black hair shimmering in the lights, his deep California suntan, no doubt regularly topped up at the home of his Hollywood pal, George Hamilton, his teeth the kind of brilliant white that can only be seen at the polar ice caps. Henry’s high kicks timed to perfection with those of his dancing girls as he descended the staircase. The entire audience were on their feet, just basking in the glow of this legendary performer. Seeing this outburst of adulation Henry did a little soft-shoe-shuffle on each step, which only excited his adoring fans even more. Upon finally reaching the stage Henry tossed his top-hat and cane to two of the ‘Henriettas’, grabbed the microphone in his left hand, wrapping its cord three times around his fingers and said, “Good evening”.

This is the third time that I've seen Henry’s spoken word shows. They are always consistently funny, thought provoking and value for money.

You can never really re-count what has been said to a third person, you can only try to hit upon the subjects covered: Bush, New Orleans, Basic Instinct 2, The Royal Family, Big Day Out, Visiting The Wounded, Ijaz, Siberia, Vomit, Liar, Black Lesbian President. Henry relates his experiences but instead of reciting them verbatim he fleshes them out with vocal mannerisms, impersonations and body language. Similar, in a way, to one of his heroes Richard Pryor. He even received a round of applause for saying, “Birmingham” using the correct accent for that locale. The revelation that one of his ‘man-sacks’ swings lower than the other should be safely filed under the category: A Little Too Much Information.

Henry is someone that I admire a lot. Hell I even have a picture of him on the wall of my living room. If he didn’t travel so extensively then he wouldn’t have any experiences to relate when it came to his spoken word shows. Me, I'm not a big fan of travelling. When the chairs were set-up in the Academy for the show tonight they use a specially calibrated stick so that the rows are a consistent distance apart. This is the distance from my ass to my knee minus 6 inches. Not a comfortable situation for me. This yard stick is used by every theatre, bus, train, and aeroplane in the civilised world. In the uncivilised world the stick is snapped in half.

I still can’t quite believe that Henry just walks around Manchester during the daytime before a show. That is something that I would have to see to believe.

Henry Rollins

Henry Rollins, as the t-shirts sold tonight testify, has been doing these spoken word shows for 25 years. He isn’t a comedian, he never tells jokes, he just walks on stage and talks about his life.

In the past when Henry has done these shows in Manchester he usually performs in the Academy. I personally have never been but Henry did say that usually there is someone lying on the floor, “with a glow stick up his ass”, still drugged or boozed up from the night before. When I saw him in 2003 he was at the Opera house, which you would think would be a little more up market, but not until you see the inside with the house lights up. The audience then was just about as diverse as you could get. I never thought that Henry could attract such a strange cross section of people. Primarily it was the typical “Rock Dude” out for an evenings entertainment with his girlfriend, the “Rock Chick”. There were goths and punks, but to my left there was a middle aged man and his wife, who was pregnant, who were both suitably dressed for an evening out. I wondered if they actually knew who Henry was, or how they had ever heard of him. Such is Henry’s appeal I guess. Don’t get me started on the old lady on the row in front who was wearing a neck brace and a lemon cardigan. I swear, mid performance, she started knitting.

Anyway, tonight it was more of a rock crowd, the occasional middle aged couple and me. I won’t go into the details of the performance as you can no doubt buy the Shock & Awe DVD and check it out for yourself.

There was no warm up act, I mean who could do that! There was no elaborate backdrop, just a black curtain. There was just an empty stage, monitors and the PA system. The house lights went down and Henry walks onto the stage, grabs the microphone, wraps the cable around his hand three times and starts to talk. He says that yesterday, Saturday, was a day off and that he had wandered around Manchester, “some of you might have seen me”. How great would that have been! Walking down Market Street and seeing Henry Rollins! A little like seeing Noddy Holder in Sainsbury’s on a Sunday. Okay I've been there and bought the t-shirt.

One thing that did seem very strange was the number of teenage children in the audience. There was one youth, obviously with his parents, who was directly in front of the microphone stand. This must have had an affect on Henry as he usually swears much more and he didn’t talk about the crash helmet and the bite plate as graphically as he does on the DVD.

Henry talked for three solid hours. He said his goodbyes, disconnected the microphone, put it in his pocket and walked off stage. I've seen him take the microphone on a few occasions on DVD’s and video’s and have never understood why. Possibly he’s had them stolen in the past.

It’s always great to see someone that you admire, in the flesh, so to speak. To be able to talk like that, without notes of any kind, is a rare talent. He is genuinely one of us, someone with a great love of books, music and films, someone who can still be excited when he meets one of his heroes.