They only bloody won...


Months ago Kerrang! magazine reported that the Finish band Lordi were going to enter the Eurovision Song Contest. At the time I couldn’t think why an established band would want to be a part of such a bland, saccharine competition. A 3 hour television programme dedicated to manufactured bands, people who can’t play instruments and people who can dance better than they can sing. What were they thinking?

Of course now it is all plainly clear. If want to subvert the system you have to do it from the inside. A Trojan guard once asked, “Did anyone order a big wooden horse?”.

I haven’t watched Eurovision since Brotherhood of Man many many moons ago. I tuned in last night and managed to catch the last few acts and the voting. Even though the voting is just some ‘C’ list announcer reciting a bunch of numbers they always try to appear chirpy and generally suck up to the ‘B’ list announcers who are running the show. They will always vote for the countries that are their neighbours so if they get invaded, for whatever reason, they can always say, “But we gave you high marks in Eurovision!!”. Which would obviously be enough to make any invading force do a swift u-turn.

Personally I’d like to see a Eurovision Band Contest. The rules being that you have to play instruments, no backing tracks, no tapes, no showing up with your music on an iPod, you have to play and perform your song live. What a novel concept for a music competition!

I really hope that this changes the contest for the better. There must be thousands of signed, or even unsigned bands, out there who would now think about entering. Lordi could well have opened the floodgates. Long may they reign.